


Distance

by NicoErikRosberg



Category: Formula 1 RPF
Genre: Angst with a Happy Ending, Eating Disorders, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-08-08
Updated: 2018-08-08
Packaged: 2019-06-24 00:06:05
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,663
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15618018
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/NicoErikRosberg/pseuds/NicoErikRosberg
Summary: Valtteri needs to beat Lewis this season. He just has to and he is willing to do anything to do it: even eat less and workout more. His boyfriends don't notice anything before it all comes too real.





	Distance

**Author's Note:**

> So sorry for what you will read

It had been five months since Valtteri woke up in a hotel room in Brazil. It was like any normal morning after a race. Expect it wasn’t. 

Kimi was sleeping on his left arm going over Valtteri and his face pressed in Valtteri’s hair. He was snoring softly to Valtteri’s ear. Sebastian was on Valtteri’s other side his arms wrapped around his waist. 

After that it seemed like they found themselves in that position every race weekend after that. Soon the weekends turned to even more mornings. By off season the three were officially a thing and spend most of that together 

While Kimi and Sebastian had been together for years, Valtteri’s addition to it was surprisingly easy. They had been thinking of adding the younger Finn for awhile but they had never expect it to go so well. Valtteri was part of them and like it had been for a long time. They got along well and were a tight pack. At least until now 

“You think its our fault?” Sebastian asked while and Kimi were sitting on their living room sofa. Valtteri had once again just leave for a run which seemed to happen more often every time they all three could be together. “He doesn’t want to be with us anymore" 

“Is just the season starting" Kimi said but was unsure. He just tried to keep himself strong for Seb. “He is in other team and they are troubling… maybe he just feels the pressure” 

“I wish he would talk to us if that is the case” Sebastian sighed deeply. “I am scared is something we are doing to push him away. I don’t want us to lose what we had off season. I love you two and I love us”

“Me too honey me too" Kimi kisses his hair softly holding him close. “Let’s talk to him after he gets back. Okay?”

Sebastian nods as agreement but when Valtteri comes back is already late. Valtteri simply says he is too tired and just showers and goes to bed. When Kimi and Sebastian comes to the bedroom, Valtteri is sleeping on side of the bed and not in middle like usually. Kimi and Sebastian looked to each other sadly.

**-**

It’s early morning when Sebastian finds Valtteri in the gym. He was running on the treadmill while having headphones on. Sebastian had only woken up but it seemed like Valtteri had been up for hours already. 

Sebastian walked in to the gym deciding that it was time for a talk. He walked to Valtteri coughing a little to get his attention. Valtteri turned his head and gave a smile to him before jumping off the treadmill. 

“Morning" Valtteri gave Sebastian a smile and pressed a quick kiss to his lips. “You up early”

“Yeah but not as early as you" Sebastian smiled softly to Valtteri. “Looking by how sweaty you are you have been running for hours" 

Valtteri shrugged a little and walked to get his water bottle. Only like an hour he thought. It’s not enough. 

“You know you can trust us right?” Sebastian said softly just looking at the younger Finn. “You can tell us if something is wrong. If you feel insecure or worried about something. You can talk to both of us about everything.”

“Yeah I know” Valtteri gave Sebastian a smile before getting back on the treadmill. “But I am fine. Everything is fine with me.”

Sebastian sighed a bit. No you are not, he thought but didn’t want to start argue. He knew arguing wouldn’t make this any better and would only push Valtteri farther away from them. 

“Okay I am going to do breakfast for us”, Sebastian told Valtteri before turning around. “Come to kitchen in twenty minutes!” 

Valtteri did end up coming to the kitchen in twenty minutes and actually ate breakfast with Sebastian and Kimi. Or well Sebastian and Kimi ate, Valtteri was feeding most of his food the their puppy who somehow was always sitting next to Valtteri when they had food. 

-

Valtteri looked up to Sebastian celebrating on the highest place of the podium. Valtteri had been trying to catch up on him but couldn’t get close enough to the Ferrari. He still felt happy for his boyfriend and was satisfied that Lewis was “only” third. At least he had beat his own teammate. 

As the celebration started Valtteri felt slightly dizzy. He managed to open his bottle but felt more sick every second. He knew everything wasn’t okay with him. He had felt through the race. Black spots in his vision and zooming out for seconds. Now it seemed to hit him harder. 

Valtteri was able to keep himself up and stay on the podium for the celebration but he knew he needed to sit down for a moment to gather himself. He followed Lewis back to the backroom but before able to get to the sofa his world blacken. 

Sebastian managed to catch Valtteri to his arms before he managed to hit the ground. 

\- 

“You are his trainer. You are suppose to take care of him!” first thing Valtteri heard when he woke up was shouting. He just laid still on his bed listening to Sebastian’s shouting too scared to open his eyes. 

“It’s not my fault that he has been skipping our meetings and been lying to me… well what seems like about everything” Antti - Valtteri’s trainer - said strongly to Sebastian. Valtteri had heard Antti angry only few times before but never this angry. “You two are the ones who live with him. This is not my fault fully!”

“How dare you blame us!” Sebastian shouted back. “You should know what he eats and his weight. Your team should know his weight. You have let him get to this point!”

“Sebastian you have to calm down”, Kimi’s voice wasn’t angry like everyone else’s. There was worry in his voice more than anything. “None of us clearly knew anything. If we had known we would have stopped him long time ago.”

“What we now have to focus on is Valtteri’s recovery”, Toto’s voice surprised Valtteri and it was getting harder to pretend to be asleep. “At least there is time before the next race. He needs to start gaining weight back and most importantly eat. He could have blacked out while going over 200km/h speed and crash to a wall or another car. That is what is important here.”

Everyone in the room was quiet for a moment before agreeing noises came. Valtteri closed his eyes tighter hoping he could just fall asleep again really wanting to ignore everything. He was fine. Yes he had lost some weight but it only made the car faster and he had it under control. Same with eating. He had changed his diet yes but he was doing just fine without so much food.

Valtteri felt someone take his hand to his. He squeezed the hand a little before managing to fall asleep again. 

-

Kimi was still holding his hand as Valtteri woke up the next time. He opened his eyes slowly looking around the room. Antti and Toto had left but his boyfriends were still there. Valtteri turned his head to look at them. 

Sebastian was fast asleep his head on Kimi’s shoulder. Kimi was just looking at Valtteri holding his hand tightly. He gave him a little smile when he noticed him awake. “Hey you. How you feeling?”

”Uncomfortable” Valtteri said honestly before turning his attention to the tubes going to his arms. He doesn’t say just looking at the tubes not letting go off Kimi’s hand either. 

“They are for hydration and nutrition”, Kimi told Valtteri softly just stroking his hand. “You passed out after the podium because you hadn’t eaten enough… for a while actually. Valtteri are you okay?”

Yes, Valtteri thought but didn’t say anything just looking away from Kimi. How could he say he was okay when he was laying on a hospital bed. No he wasn’t okay and hadn’t been for awhile. 

“You don’t want to talk about it, don’t you?” Kimi asked and this time Valtteri turned to look at him. Valtteri shook his head a little. “We don’t have to.”

Valtteri gave Kimi a soft smile thankful for it. If Sebastian was awake he would be stressing about what had happened but with Kimi Valtteri at least had a chance to push the uncomfortable talk that would be coming. 

So now there was no talking. Neither Kimi or Valtteri were good in these situations but they could always rely on Sebastian start the talking. Now the German was snoring against Kimi’s shoulder. 

“So… did I ever tell you about that weird guy I had to share room with in the army?” Kimi asked after a moment of silence. Valtteri turned to look at him and shook his head. “Really? Oh this is a good story.”

Kimi told the story of the army guy who was dragging around teddy everywhere and Valtteri told about his time in army and his weird friends. They shared their army experience and for those few hours it felt like they were in home together just like normal Friday night. 

Sebastian woke up after an hour but didn’t open his eyes. He pretended to be asleep just listening to his boyfriends. They spoke in Finnish of course but that didn’t bother. Valtteri laughed at something Kimi said and Sebastian was having hard time not to smile. That was Valtteri’s real laugh. He hadn’t heard that in a while. 

-

When Valtteri finally gets home the next day, he is already exhausted. Kimi and Sebastian had disappeared during the night and when Valtteri had woken up again he had a therapist waiting for him. The therapist was a young woman and way too excited about her work. Valtteri avoided the questions the best he could. After an hour she finally gave up and Valtteri was free to leave. 

The next torture was only coming when he had to do all PR and damage control of missing all press and media stuff from the day before. He had to videos for the social media accounts and also talk to the few journalist. They agreed with the team that Valtteri had fainted because he hadn’t eaten enough that day. 

(It was true expect Valtteri hadn’t eaten enough for months. They decided to leave it out) 

Just when Valtteri tried to finally get back to home, Toto stopped him and drag him to the side to talk with him privately. 

“You know I should really get back home it’s been a long day”, Valtteri tried but the glare he got from Toto was enough to shut him. “I’m sorry about what happened. It won’t happen again I promise.”

“Yes it won’t”, Toto told Valtteri strongly holding Valtteri’s arm. “Unless you start to eat like your real diet is and exercise only the amount you are suppose to. Antti, Sebastian and Kimi will all be watching you and they will tell me if you are not doing what you need to.”

Valtteri nodded a little to Toto looking down. When Toto let go off his arm, he left right away heading home. He took his car driving home from the track finally. He was suppose to do testing that day but Russel would take his place. Just like he would finally soon take my real place, Valtteri thought tears rolling down his face. 

-

“Where the hell is he?” Sebastian was walking around the livingroom anxiously. It was already getting darker outside but Valtteri wasn’t still home. He had even called Toto and according to him Valtteri had left home hours ago.

“I don’t know”, Kimi said frustrated and kept calling Valtteri’s phone for tenth time already. He was getting more worried aswell. “Something must have happen… what about if he has fainted again while driving…”

“Okay we are going back to the hospital!” Sebastian said right away starting to run to the driveway. He opened the door quickly and at the same time knocked someone over. “Oh fu- Valtteri!”

Valtteri laid on the ground as Sebastian had hit him with the door. His face was full of tears and he just looked down to the ground. He was ashamed. Not only had he skipped every food and exercise for the day he was fully wasted. 

“Valtteri honey”, Sebastian came down to the floor wrapping his arms around the younger man right away but pulled away a little. “You smell like booze dear god… what happened?”

Valtteri didn’t say anything just snuggling to Sebastian starting to sob more again. Kimi walked to his boyfriends carefully coming down to the ground stroking his hair softly. Valtteri was sobbing harder not able talk. 

After a moment Kimi lifted Valtteri to his arms - little bit too easily he didn’t weight anything - and walked up the stairs to their bedroom. He laid Valtteri middle of the bed carefully. Valtter’s eyes started falling close slowly while Kimi and Sebastian undressed him to make him more comfortable. They frowned looking how tiny their boyfriend had really turned. 

“Sleep now”, Sebastian whispered to Valtteri pressing a kiss on his forehead. “We talk in the morning.” 

Sebastian looked at Kimi as he said those words. Kimi nodded as an agreement. They would talk and they would make sure Valtteri would be okay. For now they both cuddled Valtteri tightly between them for the night. 

-

Valtteri stayed in bed the whole next day. He hided under the blanket feeling absolutely awful. He felt so sick but knew he had nothing in his stomach that he could throw up. He felt stuck in the awful feeling. Kimi and Sebastian came to the room time to time to check up on him just stroking his hair and telling him it would be okay. Valtteri wasn’t so sure. 

“Okay it’s over noon already”, Sebastian said walking to the room with Kimi following close. Valtteri only pulled the blanket more on him. “No no we talk now Val. We talk.”

Valtteri growled slowly pushing the blanket down looking at his boyfriends. They looked so worried, Valtteri felt a little guilty. Kimi and Sebastian sat on both sides of Valtteri taking his hands to theirs. 

“We know you don’t want to talk about this”, Sebastian told Valtteri softly. “We just want to help you get better again. You need to trust us okay.”

“We are here for you no matter what”, Kimi told Valtteri stroking his hand. “Could you please help us understand why you stopped eating and exercising so much? Please we just want to help.”

“I wanted to be faster”, Valtteri admitted just hiding his body under the blanket. “I need to be faster and challenge Lewis and you guys. If I don’t someone else will take my place. Esteban, Pascal and Russel are all waiting for me to fail. I.. just needed to get faster and that means smaller… and maybe…”

“Maybe what honey?” Sebastian asked pulling Valtteri against his chest. “Tell us.”

“Maybe you two would like me more too”, Valtteri said looking down just pouting a little. Kimi was softly stroking Valtteri’s hair and changed a look with Sebastian. They could never not want Valtteri. 

“Okay we start with this: we love you so much!” Kimi cupped Valtteri’s face. “And the second thing is: we are getting you help and we will stay by your side the whole time. We love you.”

“We love you more than anything”, Sebastian told Valtteri kissing his cheek softly. “Trust us okay baby. Please trusts us and let us help.”

And Valtteri did let them finally in and help him. They started working out together and always eating together. Sebastian made them healthy food and slowly Valtteri started eating more. 

When Valtteri was standing on the highest of the podium - Kimi and Sebastian on both sides of him - they knew they had succeed. They had done it together. 

**Author's Note:**

> They say you just have to write through your blocks so I did and the end is horrible. I'm so very stuck with my chaptered au kinda botsimi fic (if you haven't you should check it out) so I decided to finish this one I have had waiting for months. Not my finest work for sure but at least it's more angsty botsimi to the world and who doesn't love that! 
> 
> Thank you for reading x


End file.
